Greetings, Visionaries!

Somewhere within the movie Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen there exists a really fun, well-made film.

Unfortunately, you have to wade through about forty-five minutes of fat and bloat.

Don’t get me wrong.  Despite the almost total trashing that everyone on the internet seems to be giving the flick, I actually enjoyed it – just not nearly as much as the first film.

The flaws in this film are so apparent that you’ll notice them the instant they come across the screen.  With that in mind, I’m just going to do a quick rundown of where this movie went wrong (from here on thar be spoilers!):

Plotbloat.

I just coined a new phrase just so I could talk about one of the biggest problems with this film.  This movie runs two hours and thirty minutes long.  Like I said before, that’s about forty-five minutes too long.  There were way too many unnecessary scenes or over-extended scenes that could have been trimmed down.  Do we need to see dogs humping?  Do we need to see Sam’s mom wigging out over French cuisine or going googly-moogly over accidentally ingesting pot brownies?  No.  As much as I loved the humor that Sam’s parents brought to the first film, that doesn’t mean that their popularity translates to automatically giving them more screen time to fill.  And this was only a small fraction of some of the fat that needed cut from the film.  I hate to say this, but how do you manage to create a twenty minute fight scene and have it get boring half-way through?  I’m serious – the big desert fight between the military, Sam and his brood, the Autobots, and the Decepticons should have been this epic thrill fest.  And it certainly started out that way.  It was pretty riveting seeing this massive battle going on.  Then, something weird happened at about the ten minute mark – I looked at my watch, wondering just how much more fighting we were going to see, as well as how long it actually takes for a couple of characters to make it a quarter of a mile on foot when all they do is keep mentioning how they need to only go a quarter of a mile on foot.  Now, see what you made me do, Bay?  You made my first bullet run on almost as long as your movie.  Great.  It’s contagious.

Comic Relief

Having characters in your film to provide comic relief is great.  But, when almost half the main cast seems to only serve as comic relief, you have a problem.  I would like to see some adventure and maybe some plot move forward, but instead I keep seeing some guy freak out comically over the situation he’s been thrown into every three minutes, a welcomed return character from the first film quickly wear out his welcome, and at least three Autobots (two Autos and an allegiance-changer) do mostly nothing but annoy me with their attempts at being comical.  When it looks like you pulled a George Lucas and dumbed down your film with too much potty humor and bodily functions (Episode I, anyone?) you need to take a hard look at you life and wonder where you went wrong.  And for the record?  I don’t think the twins – Mudflap and Skids – were racist at all, just annoying and unnecessary.  That’s all I’m going to say on that subject.

Leakage

What the hell was up with all of the Transformers suddenly spewing liquid from their mouths every five minutes?  Didn’t happen in the first film.  What was the point?  Next.

Too Many Plot Threads

Seriously, there were way too many McGuffins baked into this pie.  We gotta go get the sliver of the Allspark, now we have to go get the other sliver of the Allspark.  Now we have to stop them from resurrecting Megatron.  Now we have to keep Sam away from Megatron.  Now we have to find the Transformer who knows all about this new McGuffin!  Now we have to stop The Fallen from getting that McGuffin.  Now we have to save Optimus.  McGuffin!  McGuffin!  How many more times can I say McGuffin!  I started to get dizzy just trying to keep up with where everyone was going and what everyone was doing.  Speaking of dizzy…

Director’s Trademarks

Every director has certain trademarks or calling cards in there directing style – some like lots of close-ups.  Some like to insert themselves into the film in a small cameo.  Some like to film the sequences out of order.  Michael Bay has two that stand out – he likes to have the camera circle around a character a couple of times during a dramatic or emotional scene and he also likes to insert brief moments of slo-mo during action sequences.  Seriously, man – stop.  The overuse of the spinny thing was starting to make several of my friends really dizzy.  After the twenty-somethingth time, I was starting to get a little nauseous myself.  And with the bits of slo-mo?  You know, that movie was probably only two hours long if you had just taken all that out.  You did what moviegoers were afraid that Watchmen had done (and actually didn’t) based on its trailer.  I know you use these techniques in all of your films, but please – find some new tricks.  I think you’ve earned these ones a long vacation.

Final Battle – The Abridged Version

Remember that long-winded battle I mentioned above?  Well, after that finally finishes we are finally treated to what we’ve been waiting for for what seems like half a day – the final showdown between Optimus Prime and The Fallen.  And… it’s over.  What?  It went down like a Don King boxing match.  Maybe three or four punches and it was over.  Oh wait, no – Megatron still needs to get his licks in.  Okay cool!  Nope.  Done.  Quick wrap up to Optimus delivering a speech on an aircraft carrier (which a friend of mine was kind enough to point out – repeatedly – a major flaw with the carrier) and we fade to credits.  Hold on a minute.  I sat through a battle that could have been cut down a bit to prevent drowsiness and you reward me with the same disappointment I had when Clark fought Doomsday at the end of this season’s “Smallville”?  Why do you hate me, Michael Bay?  And why do you hate the Transformers?  They were good to you in 2007.  So were we.  What happened?

I know, based on the rather large paragraphs above, that it appears like I didn’t like the film at all.  In reality, I really did.  There were enough elements about the movie that made me enjoy it despite its flaws.  Peter Cullen always delights as Optimus Prime, and his screen time was always great to watch.  I actually liked what they did with Soundwave.  It his character perfectly, and he was voiced by Frank Welker (Unfortunately, they only had him do the standard “Dr. Claw” voice without the voice modulation.  Still, close enough for me!).  Also, we got to see him launch Ravage!

Other things I liked about the film:

-          Nice development of the relationship between Starscream and Megatron that we know and love.  Oh, there was a nice, subtle play of power struggle combined with groveling and Megs calling Starscream a failure.

-          The first forty –five minutes of the film were really tight, despite the fact that the over-excessive comedic scenes were already starting to rear their ugly heads.  The college stuff with Sam was actually better than it’s been given credit for.  It built up Sam’s dilemma between having a normal life and dealing with his destiny rather well.

-          Devastator.  His appearance was short, but holy crap was he awesome.

-          Bay finally added in the old story elements of Energon and the Matrix of Leadership.  And he did it rather well.  Always a pleasure when you incorporate more of the mythos of the property you’re adapting.

-          All of the acting was spot-on.  I don’t think there was a bad performance in the bunch.  Even Megan Fox, who some might say can’t act, did a decent job.  Hey – even Michael Bay told her on the set to just look hot.  What are you gonna do when that’s your motivation?

Like I said before, I did like Revenge of the Fallen, mainly because I was able to see through all of the excess that there is actually a tightly-crafted film hidden in there.  I had fun watching the further adventures of an 80s toy property in live action form.  I just didn’t enjoy it as much as I did the first one.

And that’s Michael Bay’s fault.  I think one of the reasons why the first one worked so well is that Steven Spielberg had an active hand on the film, guiding Bay so as not to overdo it.  Unfortunately, Spielberg’s money was the only active thing on the second film.  Left to his own devices, Bay made the same mistake that that Encyclopedia Britannica made back in the 80s – he had so much great information, he put it all in.

Overkill.

All The Don needs is a little Energon, and a lot of ketchup.

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This past week has seen the deaths of so many celebrities, I’m amazed the ones left even dare to come outside. And as you probably guessed from the subject of this post, the celebrity death that fazed me most wasn’t Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, or even Michael Jackson. No, it was that paragon among pitchmen: the loud, the boisterous, the unforgettable-whether-you-like-it-or-not Billy Mays.

Like a lot of people, I thought his abrasive voice shouting “OXICLEAN!” “KABOOM!” on my television from the 90s on was just flat-out annoying. I clearly remember saying more than once that he oughta be pulled off TV so I wouldn’t have to listen to his noise pollution on every commercial break. As the years went on, I didn’t grow to like him so much as I became used to his yelling to the point that I could tune it out every time he appeared on television.

But then, in April of this year, the show Pitchmen came along.

I hadn’t actually planned to watch it. My better half and I can’t stand reality programming, and we weren’t impressed at the thought of an hour-long commercial for products endorsed by Billy Mays’s booming voice. We rolled our eyes at the ads for the show and resolved to ignore it.

Heh, I should have read my own article on pre-judging something back in April, had it existed at the time.

We watched Pitchmen’s premiere purely because of laziness: Mythbusters was over, and we didn’t feel like looking for the remote. (Choosing to air Pitchmen right after Mythbusters is probably the smartest thing Discovery Channel has ever done.) So we figured, what the heck, let’s see what this whole deal is about.

An hour later, we were fans of Pitchmen, and warming up to Billy Mays. A month later, we were hooked on the show, and we perked up every time a Billy Mays-endorsed ad came on TV. Almost daily, we joked about Billy Mays’s latest show of cowardice during the making of his ads. (Seriously, Billy, you are awesome, but you are also a little girl in almost every episode we watched.) We would invent our own taglines for fake products (most of which can’t be repeated here, for the sake of decency).

Having become a fan of the man so very recently, that made it all the more shocking to learn Sunday of his death due to heart trouble, via Spwug’s own Donnie Sturges and later via the Twitter account of Billy’s son. I hit up Google frantically, looking for evidence that it was all a hoax perpetrated by Vince “ShamWow!” Shlomi, heart pounding, actually stunned speechless. My partner was equally stunned when I burst in on him in the shower to deliver the news (okay, so he may have been stunned for more than one reason). We trawled the Internet all day, heart sinking as one news source after another reported more and more details of his death. The saddest parts were reading the final post made to Twitter by the man himself about his rough landing in Tampa, only hours before his death (his son is now posting updates to that account), and we also realized shortly after that his daughter, who turned three in June and appeared in the most recent episode, may not even remember her daddy when she gets older. It was a somber day in the House o’ Marlink, ended only by going to bed and hoping that Monday would be a better day (Monday?! Yeah, right!)

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

It hasn’t all been doom and gloom! Some people are organizing “blue shirt events”–a day where everyone in the group wears a blue shirt in honour of Billy’s familiar outfit. And Billy Mays jokes are already flying around the Internet. Some would say it’s too soon to be making fun, but I’m more of the “it’s important that people keep their spirits up” type. And the jokes people have been cracking in Billy’s memory have more than made up for the sad, negative attitude that persisted Sunday on the Intertubes (it’s not one–not two–but a series of them there tubes, don’tchya know).

Mere hours after the news broke, a Zombie Billy Mays account went active on Twitter, posting such gems as, “I knew I should have invented the Awesome Artery Auger.”

I’ve been seeing hilarious jokes like the one my better half came up with at 3 AM last night (and nudged me awake to relay it): “HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR MIGHTY MENDIT! IT CAN FIX EVERYTHING BUT ME!”

And since this is primarily a webcomic review blog, it’s only fitting that I post a tribute to Billy in comic form. Luckily, the creative mind over at Ctrl+Alt+Del is there to oblige. I think this comic pretty much says it all, eh?

I’ll leave you all this week with those positive notes to end on. Chin up, my friends! There’s always tomorrow. There’s always another rainbow. (Did I just quote Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and My Little Pony: The Movie in the same paragraph? Dear gods, there’s no hope for me, is there?)

Till next week, my friends. You guys are totally pitchin’. (You see what I did there.)

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Well ladies and gentleman, I apologize for my absence, but I assure you, it has not been without reason.  I have so much to talk about, I don’t even know where to start, so maybe I’ll do it Krellion’s way, and just do snippets of all the madness s I’ve been up to!

What I’ve read: So I finished Anne Bishop’s The Black Jewels Trilogy. Amazingly, I did this about 4 years ahead of schedule, considering I only bought the book a few months ago, and it’s over 700 pages long. Like I said, it’s a trilogy, all neatly combined into one fat book. It’s very dark, very sexy, but is unfortunately marred by a slow plot and at time, eye-rolling characters.  If you’re fresh off of Twilight and you’re thinking, “Damn, I wish this was made for people about 10 years past their teen angst stage,” this one’s for you. Full review to come.

What I finished playing: Over the weekend I finished the retro classic, Legacy of Ys, the oft-overlooked bastard child born in the age of Zelda. Brought up to date while maintaining its retro feel, Ys doesn’t disappoint for the mass of gamers who inevitably missed this gem in their youths because of poor Japanese timing on poor-selling American consoles. While not the most intuitive of games, it’s great to see the roots of the action RPG, brought to life with some really cool CG work that opens up both titles: Books 1 & 2. If you are among those who missed it, or you just want to relive the nostalgia, Legacy of YS: Books 1 &2 is still available in stores, and comes packed with a neat soundtrack CD.

I also finished playing Final Fantasy IV: The After , or at least, the first installment for Wiiware. I couldn’t begin to tell you how many people my age have a place in their heart for Final Fantasy IV, many of us having played at least one of the 3 remakes since its original debut on the SNES as Final Fantasy II, over 15 years ago. But 15 years have passed in the world of crystals too, and you can relive the glory days as you take control of Cecil’s son, Ceodore, in a brand new adventure that doesn’t skip a beat, not even on its SNES era graphics.

 If you’re like me, and you’ve kept the SNES warm for the day FF2 got a sequel,  you OWE it to yourself to play this, even if it is a slightly overpriced installment package. The moon phases and “Band” system add some fresh spice to the mix, but what you’re really in it for is the fact that it feels DAMN good to walk into Mysidia, 15 years after Cecil returned to it as a Paladin. You’ll see what has become of Kain, easily one of the most iconic characters of the game, and without spoiling anything, Ceodore isn’t the only character who steps up to the plate. Dramatic, kind of hard, and nostalgia driven, like I said, it’s a must play if you were ever originally drawn into the kingdom of Baron’s strife.  If I had to complain about something, it would be the sheer number of monster encounters. But you’ll need the levels.

What I started playing: Valkyrie Profile: Covenant of the Plume. After a considerable absence, VP returns, condensed into a nice little package for the Nintendo DS. While the game appears to blow its technological load with the intro movie, the sprite based gameplay isn’t bad, and for series veterans, the mainstay of VP style, button-assigning real-time combat is still present amidst a strategy RPG grid. It’s a strange hybrid, but it works.

What VP has always done well, is forced the player to make difficult choices about their party. Not many games ask you to sacrifice party members, and CotP takes it the next level. The mechanic is the plume itself: Use it on one your characters to turn him into a juggernauting one-hit-killer party monster for an entire battle. But when the battle ends… he’s dead. Permanently. And you get the heart-wrenching death scene afterward, as you realize you’ve doomed that character, all for your own main character’s quest for revenge. It’s an interestingly dark concept, one that I’m not sure I’ll really come to terms with as I continue the game. Full review when I complete it.

What I watched: I finally caught the remake of 3:10 to Yuma, starring Christian “Oh good for you!” Bale, and Russel l “I’ll throw my telephone at your face” Crowe. It must have been a hell of a set.  Am I the only person who hadn’t seen this one yet? I’m not sure, but on the assumption that you haven’t, I won’t spoil anything.

Bale plays Dan Evans, a down-and-out rancher whose fate intersects with the most notorious outlaw in the land, Ben Wade, (Crowe.) Evans is tasked with escorting Wade across the desert to the prisoner train headed for Yuma, all while Wade’s posse is out for blood, and Wade himself begins to slowly kill off the rest of the escort party.

The movie is a man’s man’s western, one in the vein of No Country For Old Men, (which I haven’t seen) and recent Clint Eastwood flicks, that don’t bother romanticizing the west  as some kind of Bonanza or Maverick like romp. No sir, this is guns, blood, dust, and betrayal, some key elements that founded America right there. But it’s also about honor – and that’s why I liked it.

I’m a total sucker for movies that make a question of morality. What defines good or evil? What changes a man from one side to the other? The movie dances around this issue until the very end, which, in all honesty, is still kinda making me scratch my head, and judging from internet reviews, didn’t sit well with critics either. But I thought it was fitting, despite the questions it raised, and it answered those questions well.

So as you can see, I’ve been busy! And I’ve not even begun! Still to come!

Full reviews for the Blood Trilogy and Valkyrie Profile DS!

Anime Expo 2009! It’s this week! It’s epic! It’s awesome! GO GO GO! I’ll have a con-report whenever I can muster it, as I’ll be spending all four days in beautiful (read: hot) LA.

Distant Worlds: Final Fantasy! Yes, I’m goin’ bitches! Performed by the San Francisco symphony orchestra, I’m flying up there for the sole purpose of seeing this show! I’ll let you know how amazing it inevitably will be!

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Welcome to this week’s post of my Geek Journal!

Sorry that I skipped last week’s entry; I was busy working at Anime Mid-Atlantic. ^^

If you’ve been keeping up with the news lately, you’ve heard that several big celebrities have passed away this week:  Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson.  I’m not going to say much except that they will all be missed in their own way and that out of the three, Jackson’s death was the most unexpected to me.

Not much in the way of geeky movies last week, but we’re good to go this week:  The second Transformers film was released this past Wednesday.  Reviews have been mixed from what I’ve heard, but a friend and co-worker who has already seen it said that he really enjoyed it and thinks that it’s better than the first one.  I’ll have to wait on my own judgment until I see it tomorrow.

Windows 7 is still working quite well for me on both my main system and my laptop.  Microsoft recently announced the upgrade and full version pricing, so now I have an idea on what it’s going to cost me to switch permanently to Win7.  With the ability to do an in-place upgrade to a different version of Win7 being made easy (Home Premium -> Pro -> Ultimate, just buy a new product key, no need to do a new install), I’m thinking of going with the full version of Home Premium to start, then upgrading as needed; however, this is dependent on what the pricing will be to do said upgrade(s).  If it costs more than the difference between the versions’ normal prices to do an upgrade, I’m sure Microsoft will get a lot of flack for that.  If they’re smart, the in-place upgrades will be cheaper.

This concludes this week’s post, thanks for reading!

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We lost two major pop culture icons today.  Farrah Fawcett passed this morning after a long bout with cancer, and Michael Jackson passed this afternoon after suffering a cardiac arrest.

I’m in total shock.  I was too young to get into the Farrah phase back in the 70s, but I respected her iconic status.  As for Michael Jackson - I’ve always enjoyed his music despite what went on in the rest of his life.  I’ll be listening to a couple of his albums over the next couple of days.  I think “Thriller” is still his best album, and probably the best pop album ever.  The video for “Thriller” is still my all-time favorite music video.

Rest in peace, both of you.

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Greetings, Octoroks!

I’ve found myself getting immersed in pop culture nostalgia quite a bit lately.  It’s not difficult nowadays – this year alone is seeing the 20^th or 25^th anniversary of something major that we all enjoyed years ago – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, Transformers.  And with movies, video games, toys, and Blu-Ray releases of those properties coming out one right after the other, it’s almost impossible to avoid anything from our childhoods right now.

So, imagine my excitement when I was able to find my favorite Collectible Card Game of all time in my garage.  Nope, I’m not referring to Magic: The Gathering.  It can go tap its mana somewhere else.  No - my favorite CCG also happens to be (in my humble opinion) the best super hero CCG that has been produced so far – Overpower!

I started collecting this game when I picked up my first starter deck back in August of 1995 (when it was first released).  I’ve never been a big fan of any kind of card game, but this one had me pulled in just from the initial concept – players battle each other with their own teams comprised of characters from Marvel Comics!  Each player has a team of four characters, which can be made up of heroes, villains, or a mixture of the two.  Each character has a set of stats listed on their character card divided into three categories – Fighting, Strength, and Energy (DC would eventually get in on the Overpower goodness and add a fourth stat: Intellect).  The players use these stats on each character to play power cards with the appropriate categories to attack or defend.  On top of that, each character also has his or her own special attack or defense cards that add a unique touch to each character.  Eventually, other types of cards would be added to expand and change gameplay.

What I loved about this game was how simple it was to pick up and play.  When I picked up my first starter deck I was able to play the game in minutes.  And once I had that down I managed to get several friends and family members hooked on the game also.  It became quite inane.  It seemed like almost everyone I knew was collecting Overpower cards.  We would play for hours.

I continued to find folks willing to play a game or two when I left home and joined the Air Force.  I kept my “team” with me (when I could) wherever I went.  It seemed like that no matter where I found myself, someone had a personalized deck on their person and was willing to throw down.

Unfortunately, Overpower must have listened to the advice of the Kurgan, as the CCG burned out rather quickly over the course of a few years.  The game gained popularity once DC was added to the fold, but the fact that the Marvel side had to reprint all of their pre-DC character cards with an added Intellect icon in order to remain compatible just added one more nail in what would be a quickly-built coffin.  Overpower started losing steam quickly.  By the time Image Comics got in on the action, Overpower was pretty much dead.

Since the demise of Overpower, both Marvel and DC have gotten back into the CCG market.  In fact, both companies went the joint route once more with the VS. CCG system that came out in 2004.  But even that latest attempt has paled in comparison to that first foray into combat card gaming.  I tried playing it a couple of times myself.  But not only are the mechanics different, the VS. CCG just doesn’t have the same heart or spirit of Overpower.  It’s just not the same.

Now that I’ve managed to find my entire collection, I have this growing desire to start playing again.  I really want to start getting people together like I used to and playing for hours.  This game is just that much fun.

Unfortunately, I doubt every other person out there has a deck on them anymore.

The Don is still missing his Intellect stat.

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Is it that time again already? Time for me to speak up again? Why, I do believe it is.

And if you’re groaning, “Not another webcomic review! I still haven’t finished reading the two comics you already covered!” well, you’re in luck! We’re taking a little break from webcomics this week. I mean, it takes time to read through a comic with a lot of archives**, and it’s only fair that I give you guys a break sometimes.

**(That’s what you’re doing…isn’t it? Reading webcomics? A worthier pursuit, while you’re supposed to be working, you’ll never find!)

So this week, I thought I’d hop on my tall pony and talk about something that’s very near and dear to me. I make it no secret that I’m a Nintendo fankid going way back. When other gamers were being serenaded by Sega’s scattered gems and ultimately doomed promises, I was happily trying to make that long jump in Super Mario Bros 3. I was finding the secret door in The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. I was fighting ring-stealing ninja and evil walking bushes as a green-haired archer elf in Arkista’s Ring on the NES (no, I’m serious; that’s really what you do in that game). I’ve always been loyal to the people at the big N, even when I’m shaking my head and saying, “That was not a smart move, Nintendo. That’s gonna come back and bite you in the sound card.”

What it all boils down to is, when you spend a couple decades closely following somebody, you get a feel for what they’re all about. You learn to trust them even when you don’t understand what they’re doing. You know that even though they might screw up sometimes, as we all do, they’ll come back stronger than ever in the near future.

So there was this little thing called “E3″ recently. And at this little thing, Nintendo unveiled its own little electronic thing, in which you stick your own little thing (FINGERS, people, I’m talking about FINGERS here). And lo, Nintendo’s little thing was called the Wii Vitality Sensor, and it could detect a player’s heartrate. And it was good. And on the final day, Nintendo rested.

Only…not so much.

The actual reaction of the Interwebz went something like…okay, no, I’m not going to repeat what was actually said. I like to pretend I have some class (though I’m sure we all know better!) But the gist of it was, many people were not happy with the Wii Vitality Sensor. They thought it was stupid. It wasn’t a new game, they didn’t understand what it did, it wasn’t a new game, it wasn’t Metroid or Zelda or Mario, and OH WAIT, THERE’S A NEW ZELDA GAME ANNOUNCED? FORGET THE SENSOR, LET’S GO LOOK AT THAT CHICK WHO LOOKS LIKE THE MASTER SWORD! BUT THE SENSOR STILL SUCKS. WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT AND IT’S NOT EVEN OUT YET, BUT WE’RE SURE IT STILL SUCKS. OOH, BOOTH BABES!

Oh, ye of little faith.

Since we really know nothing about the Sensor, I’m not here to judge its future rock-or-suckitude. And I’m not really here to talk about the Sensor itself anyways. I’m here to ask why people are so quick to hate on any unfamiliar product from a company that has proven itself over and over again. That’s not just talking about Nintendo; it seems to be “cool” to hate on any big name at the top of its game, be it Disney, Microsoft, or, again, the big N. Do we in humankind have some innate suspicion and jealousy of anyone who’s more successful than ourselves?

I can’t answer that one, so I’d like to present two stories regarding prejudice against anything new, submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society. And by “Midnight Society,” I mean “the discerning minds of Spwug’s readers.”

Item the first:
Back when the Nintendo DS was announced, I remember the reactions that dominated on the video game forums I haunted: “You play with a TOUCHSCREEN? That’s STUPID.” “No one’s gonna play it after the first time they lose the pointer-thing.” “What’s a STYLUS?” “Two screens? That’s just dumb. It’s gonna be too confusing to use.” “FAIL, NINTENDO.” “The DS is so totally gonna fail hard. PSP’s gonna kick its tail.”

Item the second:
Initial reactions I saw to the Wii’s announcement (ignoring how much fun people made of the name, which is now practically a household term): “EPIC FAIL.” “I can’t believe Nintendo is stupid enough to think that any gamer is going to want to MOVE while playing.” “Didn’t they learn anything from the Power Glove?”** “Motion sensor technology? Wii-mote? NO ONE CARES ABOUT THAT. GIVE US REAL CONTROLLERS.” “This thing is gonna be dead within six months.”

**(Considering the Power Glove served as a basis for the Wii Remote, I’d say, yes, Nintendo did learn from it.)

Those same people now play their DS’s and Wiis almost daily, while their “tail-kicking” PSP’s gather dust on a shelf or get traded in for new Nintendo console games.

Do you hear that?

That’s the sound of Nintendo’s laughter as they dance merrily to the bank, fat and jingling with the coin earned off those “failures,” the DS and the Wii.

But if you think that anyone’s learned that “different” does not equal “bad,” well, look at the reactions to the Wii Vitality Sensor. Where’s the love for the brands that raised many of you in your young geeking years? Where’s the trust that maybe, just maybe, Nintendo knows exactly what it’s doing, and the Vitality Sensor will be the number one item on every Wii owner’s holiday shopping list?

Sure, maybe it’ll be the biggest failure since Virtual Boy. But until we know more about it and actually get to put it into action, no one can say. Which means that, currently, no one can judge. And that applies to all new technology, and not just Nintendo’s technology. When Nintendo–or any other company–does something I don’t understand, I just sit back, wait, and learn. Sometimes I’m pleased with what results, and sometimes I’m not impressed. But I at least try to give everything a chance. You’d be amazed at the great things you find that you never expected, when you go poking into unfamiliar territory.

And now, I think we’ve all had just about enough of that, so if you’ll pardon me, I’ve got ring-stealing ninja to shoot with my little elven archer. Don’t bother making a Deadliest Warrior episode out of THIS matchup, Spike–when it comes to elves vs. ninja, the elves win every time!

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… I come back from a surprisingly good experience at Anime Mid-Atlantic (2wcOnline was made a guest at the last minute!) to find some rather startling news for two television shows coming back this fall.  First - “Scrubs” is indeed coming back in a new form.  It’s moving from the hospital to med school, with John C. McGinley (Dr. Cox) and Donald Faison (Turk) serving as instructors to a bunch of med students (the new regulars).  Expect the students to pop into Sacred Heart from time to time, allowing for former regulars like Zach Braff (J.D.) and Sarah Chalke (Elliot) to make guest appearances.

The second bit of TV news is more depressing.  Bryan Fuller has officially left NBC’s “Heroes” again, this time to work on developing new shows for NBC.  For those who remember, Fuller’s return as writing consultant late this past season was the only thing that brought the show out of its downward spiral.  That sound you just heard was the final nail in the coffin.

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Greetings, Key Masters and Gate Keepers!

With the northern hemisphere less than a week away from entering into that official seasonal agreement with Mr. Sun called summer I realized that while a lot of folks will be going on vacations from work or enjoying non-school, my schedule will most likely be a little busier than it usually is throughout the rest of the year.  So, you may see more “Meetings” over the next several weeks over my slightly longer “Office” installments.  Of course, this makes the introduction of the new series “The Don Says…” even more convenient and special.

For today’s “Meeting” topic, I have only one thing I wanna talk about:

“Ghostbusters: The Video Game”

Now, this isn’t a full review.  I plan on doing a full review at some point, but I want to get at least halfway through the game before I do so.  No, this is just my initial impression of the game since it dropped yesterday.

My first impression: Marvin the Martian, when I was ten.

My initial impression of this game: Holy crap, I was giggling like a boy who saw the first movie for the first time.

Seriously, this game is instant fun right out of the case.  I mean, you get to bust ghosts!  With the original Ghostbusters!  Voiced by their original actors!  Or, you can do what I did and skip the single player mode and go right into the online multiplayer.  I ended up busting ghosts for almost two hours with our fellow Spwugnerian Krellion and another friend of ours.  Two hours!  And I’ve never been a fan of online multiplayer anything.

After our two hour ectoplasmic bug hunt, I did end up switching back over to the single player mode in order to see how it stands up.  I have to say, I’m really impressed.  It starts out just like you’re watching the movie – it opens with the Columbia Pictures logo, followed by the “cold opening”, which in turn go right into the opening theme song and the Ghostbusters logo we all know and love.  I have to admit, I got giddy when I saw this, and I hadn’t even started playing yet.

After a brief tutorial by Dr. Raymond Stantz himself and a little exploration of the fire house (There are easter eggs scattered all over the place in this game!  Look for the Sorrow of Moldavia and hear what he has to say.), I eventually joined back up with the rest of the GBs as we packed up, regrouped, got a grip, came equipped, grabbed our proton packs out the back and we split in the Ecto 1-B.  Our first job?  Back to the Sedgwick Hotel!

At that point it was incredible.  I felt like I was literally inserted into the film and interacting with these characters that I have loved since I first saw Ghostbusters (even the original Elmer Bernstein score plays throughout the game).  We were wandering around the halls of the hotel looking for ghosts.  You even get to select a mode where you get to wear the infrared goggles and used the PKE meter to search for full-torso apparitions!

I don’t wanna give too much more away, partly because I haven’t gotten that far into the game yet.  I will say that I haven’t gotten this excited about a movie tie-in game in a long time.  I have already found myself at work wishing I was at home busting ghosts.

I want to address one issue that I have seen pop up repeatedly in the regards to this game before I tidy up.  There has been some mudslinging towards the PS3 version of this game in comparison to the Xbox 360 version.  One site in particular (I don’t want to name names) gave the PS3 version a hard thrashing, including screen caps that did make it appear like the PS3 version of “Ghostbusters” was indeed greatly inferior to the 360 port.

I can tell you after playing my copy for the PS3 that those reports are crap.  This game looks great on the PS3.  I’m not sure where those screen caps came from (word is that they are from an early, unfinished demo), but the real deal looks miles better than we’re lead to believe.  Yes, I will admit that the 360 graphics do look slightly better in some regards.  But, the differences are so minimal that anyone who has this for the PS3 will not feel like they just got kicked in the wolfman nards.  So relax, folks – you’ll be just fine with whatever platform you chose to get this game for.

Unless you get it for the PS2.  I mean, really.  Who still gets games for that system?

The Don never studied.  He had the Cliff Notes.

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A little announcement before we begin: Tonight (Tuesday, the 16th of June) is the series finale of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. Andrew’s doing a survival special in a Mexican jungle, where I imagine the local population of animal genitalia has subsequently dropped dramatically. If you get the Travel Channel where you live, check your local listings to see when it airs! We’ll miss you, Zimmern! At least until your new show airs this fall….And now, back to your regularly-scheduled webcomic review.

This time, we’re hittin’ up the fabulous, dramatic, mysterious Dreamless, which updates most Mondays and is written by Bobby Crosby, with illustration by Sarah Ellerton. And I’m taking it easy on you guys this go-around: Dreamless is a new webcomic that’s currently only twenty pages in. Meaning, you won’t have a library’s worth of archives to catch up on if you decide to check it out! (You’re still trying to get through all the archives from Misfile, right?)

Where on earth do I even begin with this comic? I’m not familiar with Bobby Crosby’s writing, though after seeing what he’s done with Dreamless, I’m definitely gonna check out his other webcomic works. Sarah Ellerton is my current favourite webcomic graphic artist, and her art is what attracted me to Dreamless to begin with. (You can darn well expect to see reviews of her other amazing webcomics on here later, the ongoing The Phoenix Requiem and the completed Inverloch!) The two make an excellent writing/illustrating team, and you see that waving out to you from every page.

Dreamless is so new that much of the story’s still a secret, but in the twenty pages published so far, it’s already managed to pull out a few surprises (and more than a few tears). The story opens in the 1940s, with a young woman receiving last rites. This is Elanor, the lead character. So…what’s wrong with her? Why is she so desperate for everyone to go away and let her sleep that she whips out a gun hidden under her pillow?

We don’t know yet, because after she falls asleep, the story flashes back to her childhood in the 1920s. Right away, it’s obvious things aren’t entirely normal. Elanor and her family are American and live in the States, which is normal enough. Elanor’s first words, spoken on her second birthday, are “Happy birthday.”

Unusual, but not impossible for a child’s first words…except that she says it in Japanese, despite never having been taught the language.

Other strangeness is connected to her family; it’s made clear early on that Elanor’s mother is extremely fragile mentally and/or emotionally, leading quickly to a family tragedy. A slightly older Elanor tells one of her dolls during a tea party that her mother “talks to people who aren’t there.” (Elanor’s talking to her doll is also shown as being disturbing to her mother, even though children often have imaginary friends, so the tea party is held in secret.)

And this is where we learn a bit of the meaning of the title Dreamless: Elanor tells her doll that she never dreams when she sleeps. Instead, she sees through the eyes of Takashi, a boy in Japan who was born on the same day as Elanor, and who in turn sees through Elanor’s eyes when he’s asleep. They can’t hear each other’s thoughts, but they can communicate by speaking aloud (which attracts worried glances from anyone who happens to overhear). The person who’s awake talks and asks questions of the one who’s asleep, and the sleeping person responds after waking. They’ve shared everything about their lives since birth, which is why Elanor can speak Japanese, and Takashi, you probably guessed, can speak English.

And now you know about as much about Dreamless as everyone who already reads the comic…except for the bits I left out because I don’t want to ruin all the surprise for you when you go to check it out for yourself! (And you will…right?)

Like I mentioned before, the art for this comic is stunning. Sarah Ellerton’s line and colouring work is of a high quality not just for webcomics, but for any sequential art out there. When you take into account that she does all the art herself, for two webcomics in addition to other works like commissioned art and her own writings, it’s honestly amazing that she can find the time to put out such terrific work each week. You’ll notice a few anatomical issues here and there, but they are so minor as to be hardly worth mentioning, and again, it’s understandable when you have to work as quickly as she does.

Bobby Crosby is another matter, and is the source of my only real complaint when I hit the comic’s site. His writing is brilliant–he’s made me smile, gasp, and cry in only twenty pages, and I can’t wait to read his other works. But if you’re thinking about leaving a comment on one of the comic’s pages, be careful of what you say. Crosby is rather infamous amongst the online crowd for being, well, incredibly condescending and often downright rude to his audience, often displaying a Jekyll-and-Hyde personality that easily tips over to Hyde. I’ve seen him insult people without provocation, then ban them from leaving comments on the site after they protested the treatment. I’ve also seen him ban people because he thought their questions/plot hypotheses about the comic were stupid. None of this will keep me away from the comic, though, and it shouldn’t deter you, either! It’s such a beautiful tale, you can just ignore the comment sections and read the comic itself (however, I, your loyal reviewer, had to subject myself to all aspects of the comic site in order to write a fair review….DO YOU SEE WHAT I GO THROUGH FOR YOU GUYS?! I love you all that much.)

Now it’s that time again–the time where you go catch up on the brief archives of Dreamless while they’re still small enough to be manageable, and the time where I go drown my nonexistent sorrows in a cup of hot honey milk tea. Later, taters!

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